Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
