I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
