why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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