Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
