She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They took my balls.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
