oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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