Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
