First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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