Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
