It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
