I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
