I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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