I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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