I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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