You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
