I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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