ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
