I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
