Texts From Last Night

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?

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  (240): How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf? http://tfl.nu/9o9r
  Replies (6) Good night (591) Bad night (1383)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.

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  (787): She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work. http://tfl.nu/8rxz
  Replies (39) Good night (955) Bad night (4290)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days

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  (571): i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days http://tfl.nu/w4vm
  Replies (23) Good night (3914) Bad night (3360)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Slut skills are useful in every country.

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  (310): Slut skills are useful in every country. http://tfl.nu/pvtq
  Replies (14) Good night (4641) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.

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  (860): I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead. http://tfl.nu/t7ti
  Replies (11) Good night (3343) Bad night (1240)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?

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  (317): What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/ssbm
  Replies (15) Good night (1203) Bad night (4443)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.

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  (631): Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick. http://tfl.nu/pj3f
  Replies (12) Good night (3951) Bad night (984)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up

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  (952): dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up http://tfl.nu/bpgv
  Replies (2) Good night (1901) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...

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  (423): Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight... http://tfl.nu/fo5y
  Replies (11) Good night (1524) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  Best Friends For Life.

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  (815): You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub. (1-815): Best Friends For Life. http://tfl.nu/ev62
  Replies (7) Good night (3447) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.

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  (972): I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants. http://tfl.nu/algc
  Replies (7) Good night (1019) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking

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  (813): Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking http://tfl.nu/kd2w
  Replies (4) Good night (847) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.

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  (541): He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec. (541): Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY. http://tfl.nu/zkog
  Replies (4) Good night (319) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.

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  (850): I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss. http://tfl.nu/4u28
  Replies (9) Good night (430) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions

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  (248): This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions http://tfl.nu/bezn
  Replies (0) Good night (373) Bad night (311)

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