you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls