At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa