I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
