I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
