Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.

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  (312): We made it safely. Thanks for the call though. (248): Great. Don't do shady things like that ok? (312): But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all. http://tfl.nu/00eu
  Replies (3) Good night (1156) Bad night (1987)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"

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  (303): hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen" http://tfl.nu/6cx3
  Replies (52) Good night (9422) Bad night (840)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.

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  (207): I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/pgeg
  Replies (30) Good night (7071) Bad night (1109)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me

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  (651): I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me http://tfl.nu/s22y
  Replies (13) Good night (4447) Bad night (1418)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.

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  (412): Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody. http://tfl.nu/qy8l
  Replies (7) Good night (967) Bad night (4929)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition

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  (610): i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition http://tfl.nu/g0ip
  Replies (14) Good night (825) Bad night (4998)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea

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  (229): I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea http://tfl.nu/nypc
  Replies (10) Good night (789) Bad night (3023)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.

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  (641): Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody. http://tfl.nu/w6pt
  Replies (11) Good night (3007) Bad night (1064)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.

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  (248): You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual. http://tfl.nu/weeh
  Replies (4) Good night (2547) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.

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  (306): No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke. http://tfl.nu/zs7w
  Replies (5) Good night (606) Bad night (1098)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy

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  (614): making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy http://tfl.nu/o6e5
  Replies (7) Good night (3061) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?

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  (203): We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right? http://tfl.nu/13y7
  Replies (9) Good night (1383) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic

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  (660): People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic http://tfl.nu/zs06
  Replies (10) Good night (1284) Bad night (717)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not

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  (910): He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not http://tfl.nu/zx60
  Replies (3) Good night (482) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit

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  (518): I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit http://tfl.nu/8k9v
  Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (365)

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