3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.