Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack