last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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