shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You pole danced in your parka.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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