fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How does it feel to date your dad?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
