I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
