If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
