Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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