Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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