She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
