remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
These tits shall not be calmed
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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