you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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