we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
