no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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