how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
