Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
