oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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