I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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