I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
