We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
