I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize