Are we in a gay sports bar?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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