I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
