Please don't use social media to get back at me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
