come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
