he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
