i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
