Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
