I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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