I feel great
I just peed on a car
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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