hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
