WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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