Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
