Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
