she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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