please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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