she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
