here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
