Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
