My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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