I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
