Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
