I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
