just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
