a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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