Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
