Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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