Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You are the jesus of drinking
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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