Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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