4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
