How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What a dumb baby whore.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
