I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
