dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
